Baby Shower for Moms who just wanna have fun! This type of baby shower is not the only type of shower given today. Traditionally, baby showers have been thrown for mommy-to-be and the guest list was strictly women.
These days, many families choose to have different types of showers, including back-yard barbecues to include the men. These are a nice idea since they remember that Daddy is a part of the new baby’s life, too.
But there is something to be said for a Sunday afternoon gathering of women to ooh and aah over Mommy’s belly without disparaging looks from the men. One reason to plan a baby shower for mom only.
When you have only women at the shower, you have the opportunity to really "girl it up", so to speak, at your baby shower for Mom. You can do really girlie things and not have to worry about the men being bored or embarrassed.
Here are a few suggestions for making a shower extra-girlish: Have Tea and Cake. Find a few really pretty tea sets and order little delectables like petit fours, tea cakes or maybe bring a cookie basket. Drink your tea like ladies, with pinky finger sticking up!
See if you can find pretty lace doilies for napkins. Pick up some baby shower party favors to go along with your ladies only party. You might even want to fake a British accent, dahling!
At your baby shower for mom and the ladies only, let them all be pregnant. Maybe purchase some baby shower decorations to match the pregnant theme. The guys definitely wouldn’t go for this!
Ask each guest to come with a pillow or other make shift stuffing to pretend that she is pregnant, too. Give a prize to the most authentic pregnant lady (excluding the guest of honor, of course) at your baby shower for Mom. You can pick up the prizes at any local party favor store or online party favor supply site.
Have everyone tell a story from their childbirth experience, or, if they have never had any children, let them rehash the stories their mothers told them ("I was in labor for 72 hours with you..."). Be sure there is a mixture of funny, touching, and gruesome stories to round it out.
Decorate with extra-large maternity bras and undies (or get them in mom-to-be’s size so she can actually keep them after the
party).
Play baby shower games for your baby shower for mom. There is no way you would get away with this at a couples shower! But at a baby shower for mom and the ladies, you can play Guess the mom-to-be’s weight (go easy on her - guess low).
Paint her belly, do crafts like paint matching tees and onesies for Mom and baby, or play a game like baby bottle bowling. Ask guests to come up with other baby shower party ideas or baby shower party themes.
Don’t Husband Bash. But you can tell funny or touching stories about other new Dads or dads-to-be. You don’t want to scare the mom-to-be. But she should be aware that some Dads will try to stop for coffee on the way to the hospital. Even though Mom’s contractions are 3 minutes apart.
Drink Girlie Drinks at the baby shower for Mom. Well, except for the mom-to-be. She can have non-alcoholic versions of girlie drinks, though. Try Strawberry Daiquiris, Cosmopolitans and other fruity drinks.
Randy is owner of http://www.planning-a-baby-shower.com where you will find further tips on baby showers and baby shower games.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
The 3 Word Approach to Mommy Evaluations
When was the last time you received The Mommy of the Year award? As moms, we often don't receive the recognition we deserve. Here is a creative way to receive the feedback you crave.
Superior athletes receive the MVP award. Oscars are given to the best actors and actresses. Business owners can earn a designation of “Entrepreneur of the Year”. How often have you received the “Best Mom of the Year” award? I’ve never received that award, and I’m a good mom. We have one of the most important jobs in the world, but our efforts often go unnoticed.
When I first started speaking, I would hand out evaluation sheets and ask the audience members to rate me as a speaker. There was a rating scale from 1 to 5, and I wanted participants to give me some feedback on the presentation. Although it can certainly be useful to see how others view us, as moms, it is not always feasible or practical to have others fill out a mommy evaluation sheet on us.
Can you imagine the look on your children’s face if you said, “Okay kids, I have a form I need for you to fill out for me?” “In thinking about how I did today as a mom, please rate me on a scale of 1 to 10 in the following areas: patience, kindness, provided unconditional love, made good meals, kept the house clean, fun playmate, etc.” They would probably think you’ve lost your mind, so let’s nix that idea.
Instead, let’s use the three word approach to doing self-evaluations. We don’t have to wait for others to tell us we’re doing a great job – we can provide our own feedback. Today, as a speaker, I do my own evaluation by listening and watching the audience, recording my talks for playback, and asking myself if I met my three objectives. Did I inspire the audience to think differently, take action and experience growth? These are my three words (or sets of words) for measuring my success as a speaker.
We can use the same approach as moms. Here are four ways to use the three word approach to doing mommy evaluations.
What 3 words describe who you want to be as a mom?
When you think of yourself as a mom at your very best, what 3 words come to your mind? Who do you want to be? At my very best, I want to be “accepting”. I want my children to know I love them unconditionally, regardless of the choices they make for their life. I want them to have the freedom to be who God created them to be. What are the 3 most important gifts of being do you want to give to your children?
What 3 words describe who you were as a mom today?
At the end of every day, ask yourself what 3 words best describe you as a mom? If you had a rough day, you might say “angry”. That’s okay – it is still honest and important feedback that is necessary for change. If you felt on top of the world today, you might describe yourself as “joyful”. This feedback is even more important to recognize. This is the praise we often crave as moms, and you can now give it to yourself.
What 3 words describe your areas of opportunity as a mom?
If I were to honestly disclose my areas of opportunity, I would use the words “consistency”, “spoiling” and “fun”. I would like to be more consistent with my approach to discipline, avoid spoiling my children, and make a bigger commitment to having more fun with them. Even though we have opportunities to grow, we are still good moms. In what areas do you need to grow?
What 3 words describe your strengths as a mom?
As an employee of an organization, we often receive evaluations that point out our strengths. As a mom, you are a leader of a very important organization – a family. What 3 words describe the strengths you bring to your family? My good friend Donna is “fun”. Her crazy and energetic personality brings energy and laughter to her family. Rather than focus on your perceived weaknesses as a mom, remind yourself of the blessings you are providing your family.
You can wait for your children or other people to tell you you’re a good mom, or wait for Mother’s Day to see how much you are appreciated. Or you can use the three word approach to doing daily mommy evaluations. This way you have immediate feedback and can reward yourself for a job well done!
Lori Radun, CEC – is a certified life coach and inspirational speaker for moms. To receive The FREE Mom CoachÔ newsletter and the special report “155 Things Moms Can Do to Raise Great Children”, visit her website at http://www.true2youlifecoching.com/
Superior athletes receive the MVP award. Oscars are given to the best actors and actresses. Business owners can earn a designation of “Entrepreneur of the Year”. How often have you received the “Best Mom of the Year” award? I’ve never received that award, and I’m a good mom. We have one of the most important jobs in the world, but our efforts often go unnoticed.
When I first started speaking, I would hand out evaluation sheets and ask the audience members to rate me as a speaker. There was a rating scale from 1 to 5, and I wanted participants to give me some feedback on the presentation. Although it can certainly be useful to see how others view us, as moms, it is not always feasible or practical to have others fill out a mommy evaluation sheet on us.
Can you imagine the look on your children’s face if you said, “Okay kids, I have a form I need for you to fill out for me?” “In thinking about how I did today as a mom, please rate me on a scale of 1 to 10 in the following areas: patience, kindness, provided unconditional love, made good meals, kept the house clean, fun playmate, etc.” They would probably think you’ve lost your mind, so let’s nix that idea.
Instead, let’s use the three word approach to doing self-evaluations. We don’t have to wait for others to tell us we’re doing a great job – we can provide our own feedback. Today, as a speaker, I do my own evaluation by listening and watching the audience, recording my talks for playback, and asking myself if I met my three objectives. Did I inspire the audience to think differently, take action and experience growth? These are my three words (or sets of words) for measuring my success as a speaker.
We can use the same approach as moms. Here are four ways to use the three word approach to doing mommy evaluations.
What 3 words describe who you want to be as a mom?
When you think of yourself as a mom at your very best, what 3 words come to your mind? Who do you want to be? At my very best, I want to be “accepting”. I want my children to know I love them unconditionally, regardless of the choices they make for their life. I want them to have the freedom to be who God created them to be. What are the 3 most important gifts of being do you want to give to your children?
What 3 words describe who you were as a mom today?
At the end of every day, ask yourself what 3 words best describe you as a mom? If you had a rough day, you might say “angry”. That’s okay – it is still honest and important feedback that is necessary for change. If you felt on top of the world today, you might describe yourself as “joyful”. This feedback is even more important to recognize. This is the praise we often crave as moms, and you can now give it to yourself.
What 3 words describe your areas of opportunity as a mom?
If I were to honestly disclose my areas of opportunity, I would use the words “consistency”, “spoiling” and “fun”. I would like to be more consistent with my approach to discipline, avoid spoiling my children, and make a bigger commitment to having more fun with them. Even though we have opportunities to grow, we are still good moms. In what areas do you need to grow?
What 3 words describe your strengths as a mom?
As an employee of an organization, we often receive evaluations that point out our strengths. As a mom, you are a leader of a very important organization – a family. What 3 words describe the strengths you bring to your family? My good friend Donna is “fun”. Her crazy and energetic personality brings energy and laughter to her family. Rather than focus on your perceived weaknesses as a mom, remind yourself of the blessings you are providing your family.
You can wait for your children or other people to tell you you’re a good mom, or wait for Mother’s Day to see how much you are appreciated. Or you can use the three word approach to doing daily mommy evaluations. This way you have immediate feedback and can reward yourself for a job well done!
Lori Radun, CEC – is a certified life coach and inspirational speaker for moms. To receive The FREE Mom CoachÔ newsletter and the special report “155 Things Moms Can Do to Raise Great Children”, visit her website at http://www.true2youlifecoching.com/
Saturday, March 22, 2008
“Renee’s Mommy is Here”
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out of my car at the baby-sitter’s house and a little boy comes running out the door. The little boys begins to yell - “Renee’s Mommy is here!” I remember stopping in my tracks and thinking - “Oh, that is who I am now - Renee’s Mommy.” My whole identity is now Renee’s Mommy - or is it?
As a Christian Working Mom I have multiple roles, I am Renee’s Mommy and Zachary’s Mommy as well. I am John’s wife, Betty and Eldred’s daughter, Karen’s sister, church worker, school helper, a therapist, professional coach, and a child of God. Do you often wonder who you are? Where do you fit in with all your roles?
Women have had many roles since time began. The Proverbs 31 woman is a: wife, mother, businesswoman, charity worker, and many other roles. You will recognize in here some of the stresses we modern women face. Proverbs 31:15, 18 states she gets up while it is still dark and her lamp does not go out at night. Does that sound familiar? We are often burning the candle at both ends.
Although are many roles can be stressful there can be great joy in all our many identities. I love being Renee and Zachary’s Mom. There is great joy in watching them grow and learn about God and His world. I also thoroughly enjoy my work as a professional coach and therapist. Work provides me great satisfaction. Christian Working Moms often receive a lot of support and encouragement from co-workers. As Christian wives we give and receive companionship, support, and passion (when we pencil it in) with our husbands. Our work at church and school also gives care and comfort for others. We often receive the greater blessing when we work at church or at our children’s school.
As a fellow Christian Working Mom I celebrate and applaud all our different roles. Variety in our roles often allows us to manage turmoil in any one area of our lives. The other parts of our lives seem to compensate for the difficult times and help us to maintain balance. I encourage you to rejoice in all God has given you and your many different roles.
Oh, by the way if we meet virtually or in person I’ll answer to Kimberly, Renee’s Mommy, Zachary’s Mommy ..........
Kimberly Chastain, MS, LMFT is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She was recently featured in the book the Myth of the Perfect Mother. She is the author of “Help, I Just Can’t Say No” and Pearls of Encouragement for Christian Working Moms. To schedule a free, initial coaching session send an email to free@kimberlychastain.com or visit http://www.christianworkingmom.com.
As a Christian Working Mom I have multiple roles, I am Renee’s Mommy and Zachary’s Mommy as well. I am John’s wife, Betty and Eldred’s daughter, Karen’s sister, church worker, school helper, a therapist, professional coach, and a child of God. Do you often wonder who you are? Where do you fit in with all your roles?
Women have had many roles since time began. The Proverbs 31 woman is a: wife, mother, businesswoman, charity worker, and many other roles. You will recognize in here some of the stresses we modern women face. Proverbs 31:15, 18 states she gets up while it is still dark and her lamp does not go out at night. Does that sound familiar? We are often burning the candle at both ends.
Although are many roles can be stressful there can be great joy in all our many identities. I love being Renee and Zachary’s Mom. There is great joy in watching them grow and learn about God and His world. I also thoroughly enjoy my work as a professional coach and therapist. Work provides me great satisfaction. Christian Working Moms often receive a lot of support and encouragement from co-workers. As Christian wives we give and receive companionship, support, and passion (when we pencil it in) with our husbands. Our work at church and school also gives care and comfort for others. We often receive the greater blessing when we work at church or at our children’s school.
As a fellow Christian Working Mom I celebrate and applaud all our different roles. Variety in our roles often allows us to manage turmoil in any one area of our lives. The other parts of our lives seem to compensate for the difficult times and help us to maintain balance. I encourage you to rejoice in all God has given you and your many different roles.
Oh, by the way if we meet virtually or in person I’ll answer to Kimberly, Renee’s Mommy, Zachary’s Mommy ..........
Kimberly Chastain, MS, LMFT is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She was recently featured in the book the Myth of the Perfect Mother. She is the author of “Help, I Just Can’t Say No” and Pearls of Encouragement for Christian Working Moms. To schedule a free, initial coaching session send an email to free@kimberlychastain.com or visit http://www.christianworkingmom.com.
Friday, March 21, 2008
I'm on Entrepreneur Magazine's Blog!
I am so excited! I was featured on the Weekend Entrepreneur Magazine blog today!
Author Michelle Anton interviewed me and posted the story on her site. I am thrilled to be able to share my story with aspiring entrepreneurs.
Thanks to all my readers, students, and customers for all your support in making be still & knit a success.
I'd appreciate your taking the time to stop by the blog and add your comments about your experiences with me and be still & knit! If you would like your business featured there, please leave the details about it in your post. Michelle moderates all comments, and if she likes your story, then you'll get a chance to interview with her.
Please let me know if your business is featured!
Abundant blessings,
Lisa
~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º
Lisa Akers
be still & knit, llc
Classes and clothing for children and the women who love them.
lisa@bestillandknit.com
www.BeStillandKnit.com
(303) 345-7620
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Youtube Safety Tips For Parents
Parents, with the recent Finland School Shooting incident, it's time for us to discuss Youtube safety tips with our children :
YouTube is a popular video sharing website. Those who are thirteen years old and above are able to register for a free account. Once an account has been registered, you can watch videos, rate them, or discuss them with other members, and share your own videos online.
Besides music videos, cartoon, or other interesting video clips, there are a number of YouTube videos that have adult or violent content. While YouTube tries to ensure that each of these videos is marked, in one way or another, not all are. You may want to put limits on the type of videos your children watch and encourage them to talk to the adults if they feel uneasy about certain video, then you can report the inappropriate content using the "Flag" button located at the bottom of the video.
When sharing videos on YouTube, especially personal video blog which has become so popular with many high school students, it is important to remind your children that they shouldn't, under any circumstance, give out their full name, address, phone numbers and even cell phone numbers. Considering millions of strangers accessing the Youtube worldwide, it would't be wise to expose your face with your full details at the internet.
Do talk to your children about internet predators. Although the dangers of meeting online predators at Youtube aren’t as high as on social networking sites, like MySpace, but the threat still exists. Let your children know that you do not want them to communicate with other YouTube members, as they never know who is behind the computer. If you and your children cannot reach an agreement, you may want to consider blocking the YouTube website from your computers.
By: Rachelle F
YouTube is a popular video sharing website. Those who are thirteen years old and above are able to register for a free account. Once an account has been registered, you can watch videos, rate them, or discuss them with other members, and share your own videos online.
Besides music videos, cartoon, or other interesting video clips, there are a number of YouTube videos that have adult or violent content. While YouTube tries to ensure that each of these videos is marked, in one way or another, not all are. You may want to put limits on the type of videos your children watch and encourage them to talk to the adults if they feel uneasy about certain video, then you can report the inappropriate content using the "Flag" button located at the bottom of the video.
When sharing videos on YouTube, especially personal video blog which has become so popular with many high school students, it is important to remind your children that they shouldn't, under any circumstance, give out their full name, address, phone numbers and even cell phone numbers. Considering millions of strangers accessing the Youtube worldwide, it would't be wise to expose your face with your full details at the internet.
Do talk to your children about internet predators. Although the dangers of meeting online predators at Youtube aren’t as high as on social networking sites, like MySpace, but the threat still exists. Let your children know that you do not want them to communicate with other YouTube members, as they never know who is behind the computer. If you and your children cannot reach an agreement, you may want to consider blocking the YouTube website from your computers.
By: Rachelle F
Sunday, March 16, 2008
The Little Perks of Motherhood
In taking a much-needed but hardly guilt-free respite at a ridiculously over-priced coffee shop for Artistes… (I was buying a Grande Mocha-Lisa not the Mona Lisa for goodness sakes...), I overheard two young mothers one-upping each other over whose kid could throw the best tantrums in public. Little Charlie’s red-faced, back-arching, slap-the-mat imitation of Hulk Hogan on steroids because his shoelace came untied? or Little Ruby’s decibel-breaking screech that would put a starving raptor to shame because the shopping cart smooshed her last gummy fruit pineapple that she had thrown on the floor..? Ruby’s mom won hands-down but she would do well to lay off the Pablo-Espressos.
My kids are older now so the tantrum stage is mostly behind us, making room for the ever so popular "I'm a teenager-now-rolling-of-the-eyes-making-you-feel-like-a-FREAK-parent-because-you-accidentally-hummed-‘Daydream Believer’-near-a-cashier-at-Target-who's-so-and-so's-older-sister" stage. (Good Lord, how could I be so insensitive?)
However, when our kids did throw those lovely tantrums, in public or not, my husband and I would grade them on a scale of 1-10...out loud. And egg them on, convinced they could do better, “Come on, give me more indignation… where’s the flying spittle?” Most of the time, it sort of sucked the steam right out of them. After a while, they got bored and the tantrums soon stopped. Now we do it for fun around the dinner table...see who can whine or complain the loudest. (My husband is surprisingly good at this...). Hmmm...
Not that we don’t lead exciting lives, have gratifying jobs or interesting hobbies – but for sport, we take every opportunity to embarrass our kids in public. (I dare thee who is not the parent of a teenager to cast the first stone…). There is something truly satisfying in possessing that simple, yet spot-on and lethal talent. For it matters not what you say…simply that you do say. And it doesn’t matter to whom you say it as long as they fit the ‘capable of down-loading iTunes, have a MySpace blog, or the right to have pimples’ profile. I merely have to allude to the fact that I feel like skipping through the mall and my teenage daughter’s promising me a clean room for a month and a forfeiture of two-weeks’ allowance if I can squelch the urge to skip. The idea of raising my hand with a question during a packed middle school assembly can turn my son into pool of protoplasm as he sinks lower in his chair, trying to become one with his hoodie.
I know this too shall pass…as do all stages and rages of adolescence. (And those are just mine!) Soon they’ll be out on their own, going to college, making leaps and bounds in personality and personal growth – all without my constant help and guidance. But that’s okay… it’s the way life is supposed to happen. Worry not; I’ll still have my glorious memories to cherish. And cherish them I will.
Wait. There’s frenzied activity behind me…what’s this? I’m being offered the chance to drive said daughter to the coffee shop where there’s free Internet access and several friends loading up on decaf Dolce-Dalis. “Hurry up, mom…” translates into ‘Can’t you just stop (the unimportant and trivial) thing you’re doing to cater to my every whim..?’ I lovingly finish this sentence, make a big deal of looking for a disc on which to save…and ponder the new memories I’m about to make as I follow my daughter out to the car, wearing my fluffy pink slippers. Brou-ha-ha…I think I’ll have a relaxing, yet impudent cup of Earl Grey Mat-teas to go with those memories.
By: Joyce Costanza aka writemom
My kids are older now so the tantrum stage is mostly behind us, making room for the ever so popular "I'm a teenager-now-rolling-of-the-eyes-making-you-feel-like-a-FREAK-parent-because-you-accidentally-hummed-‘Daydream Believer’-near-a-cashier-at-Target-who's-so-and-so's-older-sister" stage. (Good Lord, how could I be so insensitive?)
However, when our kids did throw those lovely tantrums, in public or not, my husband and I would grade them on a scale of 1-10...out loud. And egg them on, convinced they could do better, “Come on, give me more indignation… where’s the flying spittle?” Most of the time, it sort of sucked the steam right out of them. After a while, they got bored and the tantrums soon stopped. Now we do it for fun around the dinner table...see who can whine or complain the loudest. (My husband is surprisingly good at this...). Hmmm...
Not that we don’t lead exciting lives, have gratifying jobs or interesting hobbies – but for sport, we take every opportunity to embarrass our kids in public. (I dare thee who is not the parent of a teenager to cast the first stone…). There is something truly satisfying in possessing that simple, yet spot-on and lethal talent. For it matters not what you say…simply that you do say. And it doesn’t matter to whom you say it as long as they fit the ‘capable of down-loading iTunes, have a MySpace blog, or the right to have pimples’ profile. I merely have to allude to the fact that I feel like skipping through the mall and my teenage daughter’s promising me a clean room for a month and a forfeiture of two-weeks’ allowance if I can squelch the urge to skip. The idea of raising my hand with a question during a packed middle school assembly can turn my son into pool of protoplasm as he sinks lower in his chair, trying to become one with his hoodie.
I know this too shall pass…as do all stages and rages of adolescence. (And those are just mine!) Soon they’ll be out on their own, going to college, making leaps and bounds in personality and personal growth – all without my constant help and guidance. But that’s okay… it’s the way life is supposed to happen. Worry not; I’ll still have my glorious memories to cherish. And cherish them I will.
Wait. There’s frenzied activity behind me…what’s this? I’m being offered the chance to drive said daughter to the coffee shop where there’s free Internet access and several friends loading up on decaf Dolce-Dalis. “Hurry up, mom…” translates into ‘Can’t you just stop (the unimportant and trivial) thing you’re doing to cater to my every whim..?’ I lovingly finish this sentence, make a big deal of looking for a disc on which to save…and ponder the new memories I’m about to make as I follow my daughter out to the car, wearing my fluffy pink slippers. Brou-ha-ha…I think I’ll have a relaxing, yet impudent cup of Earl Grey Mat-teas to go with those memories.
By: Joyce Costanza aka writemom
Friday, March 14, 2008
How To Get Your Kids To Do What You Say
Sometimes we feel that we are getting nowhere with disciplining our child. When a child just won’t adhere to what we say it can be frustrating and tiring. We sometimes feel that there must be something wrong with our child, who appears a tearaway compared to the other angelic children we see. All children have their own personality, some are stronger-willed than others, but whatever they are like, it is not necessary to think there is something wrong. All children learn and mature at a different pace to others, and when they have grown up as wonderful adults, we look back and think ‘what was I worrying about back then?’
What we sometimes overlook is that, even though we feel we have been firm and clear in our communication with our kids, in reality, we haven’t. With the busyness and stress of our lives today, we do often give in to our children’s demands, back down when trying to enforce rules, and go back on our principles. We may not even realise it, but our kids, being clever an observant individuals, do see it – it feeds their need to get their own way and to push the boundaries.
Children all too well know with whom they can push the boundaries, and also with whom they cannot. So how can we as parents ensure it is the former, and not the latter, with us?
1. Consistency is the key. Saying ‘no’ to something one day and ‘yes’ to it the next is not being consistent. Kids are extra-sensitive to this. Being inconsistent undermines your authority and makes life difficult for the future. When children see your inconsistency they interpret it as meaning your rules do not mean much, and are there to be broken.
2. Children learn a lot through your consistency and inconsistency. For example, friends I know have a lot of trouble enforcing the principle that their 16 year old son gets a part-time job to fund his social life. They see him as lazy because he just won’t get up and do anything about it, nor accept it is his responsibility. His parents are totally frustrated by this. They feel they have done everything they can, and primarily, they will not give him any money, in the hope that he will eventually feel he has to do something if he wants some money. I sympathised with their position until, one night they were going out, their son was nagging them for money, and his dad gave in and gave him some as he was flying out of the door. This one act of inconsistency is all it takes to give the message – I don’t need to bother to get a job, ask enough and dad will give in.
3. Actions speak louder than words. Children are more likely to do what they see you do rather than what you tell them to do. This means setting a good example and sticking to your own rules yourself. For example, a rule like ‘no eating in the lounge’ must be something that applies to all the family, including yourself, otherwise, do not be surprised if your children question the rule.
4. Children do actually want you to set boundaries and be consistent about enforcing them. Not only that, it helps them through their transition to school and adult life. They know where they are, how to be, and find, rather than having to learn through punishment at school or other institutions, they are better prepared for socialisation and the world of academia.
5. Do not give up. Sometimes it takes repeating a message to your child time and time again until you are tired of hearing yourself say it, but with perseverance the message will get through. Children can naturally be very forgetful – they are motivated by their own interests which are quite different from yours, so your rules and values are last on their list!
Your relationship with your child and your consistency is what determines your success at discipline in the family. Being firm but respectful when dealing with your child is effective only if you persevere and give consistent, not conflicting, messages.
Loving, peaceful and powerful parenting is possible, with The Chilled Parent. Visit http://www.chilledparent.com/Ebook.htm to get the informative ezine.
What we sometimes overlook is that, even though we feel we have been firm and clear in our communication with our kids, in reality, we haven’t. With the busyness and stress of our lives today, we do often give in to our children’s demands, back down when trying to enforce rules, and go back on our principles. We may not even realise it, but our kids, being clever an observant individuals, do see it – it feeds their need to get their own way and to push the boundaries.
Children all too well know with whom they can push the boundaries, and also with whom they cannot. So how can we as parents ensure it is the former, and not the latter, with us?
1. Consistency is the key. Saying ‘no’ to something one day and ‘yes’ to it the next is not being consistent. Kids are extra-sensitive to this. Being inconsistent undermines your authority and makes life difficult for the future. When children see your inconsistency they interpret it as meaning your rules do not mean much, and are there to be broken.
2. Children learn a lot through your consistency and inconsistency. For example, friends I know have a lot of trouble enforcing the principle that their 16 year old son gets a part-time job to fund his social life. They see him as lazy because he just won’t get up and do anything about it, nor accept it is his responsibility. His parents are totally frustrated by this. They feel they have done everything they can, and primarily, they will not give him any money, in the hope that he will eventually feel he has to do something if he wants some money. I sympathised with their position until, one night they were going out, their son was nagging them for money, and his dad gave in and gave him some as he was flying out of the door. This one act of inconsistency is all it takes to give the message – I don’t need to bother to get a job, ask enough and dad will give in.
3. Actions speak louder than words. Children are more likely to do what they see you do rather than what you tell them to do. This means setting a good example and sticking to your own rules yourself. For example, a rule like ‘no eating in the lounge’ must be something that applies to all the family, including yourself, otherwise, do not be surprised if your children question the rule.
4. Children do actually want you to set boundaries and be consistent about enforcing them. Not only that, it helps them through their transition to school and adult life. They know where they are, how to be, and find, rather than having to learn through punishment at school or other institutions, they are better prepared for socialisation and the world of academia.
5. Do not give up. Sometimes it takes repeating a message to your child time and time again until you are tired of hearing yourself say it, but with perseverance the message will get through. Children can naturally be very forgetful – they are motivated by their own interests which are quite different from yours, so your rules and values are last on their list!
Your relationship with your child and your consistency is what determines your success at discipline in the family. Being firm but respectful when dealing with your child is effective only if you persevere and give consistent, not conflicting, messages.
Loving, peaceful and powerful parenting is possible, with The Chilled Parent. Visit http://www.chilledparent.com/Ebook.htm to get the informative ezine.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
The Glamorous Life Of A Self Employed Mom
Each morning, my 4 year old goes to preschool, followed by daycare for a few hours in the afternoon. During this time, I answer email in sweats, process orders to customers from my warehouse (the garage), and know both the UPS guy and my postal carrier on a first name basis. I am the founder and owner of Sunrise Imports, making decisions and taking care of every detail required of running a small business. And I love it! However, on a recent Tuesday, there was a glitch in my plan.
The previous night, my daughter had a temperature of 101 degrees and didn�t sleep much, which means I didn�t sleep much. Instead it was children�s Tylenol, damp washcloths and lots of comforting hugs all night long. When 6 am rolled around, miraculously she was awake, alert and ready to watch her favorite DVD, �The Wizard of Oz� for the twenty-second time that week. All I cared about was who would make coffee. By 7 am though, her fever had returned and she was curled up on the floor with Clifford, her stuffed red dog, and her favorite fuzzy blanket, hardly noticing that the Wicked Witch was melting. Obviously, this little person I brought into the world, needed to be with her Mommy today. Shouldn�t be a big deal, right? She can rest, watch t.v., draw and recuperate, and I can get a few things done in the office in between. (Insert chuckles here) I�m sure you know how the day turned out, especially if you're a parent. But for kicks, I'll give you the gorey details anyway.
The day was all about eating, playing, resting and watching t.v., unfortunately I forgot to factor in the part about a 4 year olds not wanting to do these things alone. She wanted mom�s attention and reassurance every minute of every hour. Each time I�d try to sneak off to the office to check my email, she�d hunt me down then pull on my arm to come play with her. She wanted to do puzzles, draw with me, play hair salon, have a tea party - all the usual things little girls like to do. The psychological battle in my head began and it was torture. Was it more important to take on the role of entrepreneur or Mom today? Of course Mom won out, so we played. We played Chutes and Ladders, Ants in the Pants, did puzzles and painted pictures of rainbows. We ate soup while watching Dorothy and Toto follow the yellow brick road. We even had a tea party complete with 16 of our closest (stuffed) friends. It was a lovely diversion from the real world for this 42-year-old, until... the business phone rang. Back to reality, I quickly reminded my daughter of the rules when Mommy�s on the telephone. Then I ran into the office, mustered up my best professional voice, and answered with confidence. An event planner had questions about making a large gift purchase for a corporate client. A minute or two into the conversation, I could hear a certain little person at the door yelling for Mommy. I became distracted and knew it would only get worse, so I took the customer�s number and decided to call her back after I returned my child to sick bay.
Still in our jammies, we went back into the living room and had a chat about Mommy�s work. Reasoning with a 4-year-old, hmmmm. Perhaps a bribe would work better. I made a deal with ice cream as the pay off. She took the bait and I went off to the back bedroom to make my call. Two minutes into the call, a knocking at the door. I fled to the bathroom which was further away from the bedroom door, hoping the customer wouldn�t hear any of the commotion. My little monster, er, daughter got louder. Knocking and calling my name turned into banging and screaming. I finished up the call and hung up. For just a brief moment, I nearly burst into tears. Was this my life? Barricaded in the bathroom to make a phone call? Forced to do business using the toilet lid as my desk and the floor as my chair? Hiding from my child who was ready to break down the door just to be near me? If it wasn�t so ridiculous, it would be comical. I smiled. Then I laughed. When I finally came out of the bathroom and opened the bedroom door, I was greeted with a big hug and a smile.
A little while later, we ate bowls of mint chocolate chip ice cream while watching the tin man sing �If I only had a heart�. Mom and daughter got to share quality time, and the entrepreneur took a much needed afternoon off. Apparently everyone was a winner that day.
Sheila Hull-Summers is the owner of Sunrise Imports, a web retailer specializing in unique home & garden decor and handcrafted gifts from Latin America and the United States.
The previous night, my daughter had a temperature of 101 degrees and didn�t sleep much, which means I didn�t sleep much. Instead it was children�s Tylenol, damp washcloths and lots of comforting hugs all night long. When 6 am rolled around, miraculously she was awake, alert and ready to watch her favorite DVD, �The Wizard of Oz� for the twenty-second time that week. All I cared about was who would make coffee. By 7 am though, her fever had returned and she was curled up on the floor with Clifford, her stuffed red dog, and her favorite fuzzy blanket, hardly noticing that the Wicked Witch was melting. Obviously, this little person I brought into the world, needed to be with her Mommy today. Shouldn�t be a big deal, right? She can rest, watch t.v., draw and recuperate, and I can get a few things done in the office in between. (Insert chuckles here) I�m sure you know how the day turned out, especially if you're a parent. But for kicks, I'll give you the gorey details anyway.
The day was all about eating, playing, resting and watching t.v., unfortunately I forgot to factor in the part about a 4 year olds not wanting to do these things alone. She wanted mom�s attention and reassurance every minute of every hour. Each time I�d try to sneak off to the office to check my email, she�d hunt me down then pull on my arm to come play with her. She wanted to do puzzles, draw with me, play hair salon, have a tea party - all the usual things little girls like to do. The psychological battle in my head began and it was torture. Was it more important to take on the role of entrepreneur or Mom today? Of course Mom won out, so we played. We played Chutes and Ladders, Ants in the Pants, did puzzles and painted pictures of rainbows. We ate soup while watching Dorothy and Toto follow the yellow brick road. We even had a tea party complete with 16 of our closest (stuffed) friends. It was a lovely diversion from the real world for this 42-year-old, until... the business phone rang. Back to reality, I quickly reminded my daughter of the rules when Mommy�s on the telephone. Then I ran into the office, mustered up my best professional voice, and answered with confidence. An event planner had questions about making a large gift purchase for a corporate client. A minute or two into the conversation, I could hear a certain little person at the door yelling for Mommy. I became distracted and knew it would only get worse, so I took the customer�s number and decided to call her back after I returned my child to sick bay.
Still in our jammies, we went back into the living room and had a chat about Mommy�s work. Reasoning with a 4-year-old, hmmmm. Perhaps a bribe would work better. I made a deal with ice cream as the pay off. She took the bait and I went off to the back bedroom to make my call. Two minutes into the call, a knocking at the door. I fled to the bathroom which was further away from the bedroom door, hoping the customer wouldn�t hear any of the commotion. My little monster, er, daughter got louder. Knocking and calling my name turned into banging and screaming. I finished up the call and hung up. For just a brief moment, I nearly burst into tears. Was this my life? Barricaded in the bathroom to make a phone call? Forced to do business using the toilet lid as my desk and the floor as my chair? Hiding from my child who was ready to break down the door just to be near me? If it wasn�t so ridiculous, it would be comical. I smiled. Then I laughed. When I finally came out of the bathroom and opened the bedroom door, I was greeted with a big hug and a smile.
A little while later, we ate bowls of mint chocolate chip ice cream while watching the tin man sing �If I only had a heart�. Mom and daughter got to share quality time, and the entrepreneur took a much needed afternoon off. Apparently everyone was a winner that day.
Sheila Hull-Summers is the owner of Sunrise Imports, a web retailer specializing in unique home & garden decor and handcrafted gifts from Latin America and the United States.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
So You Think You're Stupid? Maybe You Are
I recently received an email from a parent who is desperately frustrated over the struggles her middle-school son is facing. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and bi-polar disorder. School and everyday life, she says, is a real struggle; he looses everything and forgets everything. Like every other student I have met with these same characteristics, he also happens to be brilliant.
But, his mother says, “All I hear is, “I’m stupid! Over and over again…”
Maybe he is.
There are several formal definitions of the word, “stupid,” according to Dictionary.com. In my world, however, “stupid” is the word I use to describe someone who has talents, gifts, and skills, but is choosing not to use them. Let me tell you, I know a lot of stupid people!
But, you don’t have to be one of them. This struggling young man doesn’t have to be, either.
Unfortunately, he is one of many, many students who think they are not smart for a variety of reasons. In his case, he is probably frustrated that he cannot organize and keep track of his papers as well as other classmates. “There must be something wrong with me,” he thinks.
“There IS something wrong with you,” he hears when he visits the doctor and is told that he has ADHD and bi-polar disorder. He can probably solve challenging problems, can think of creative solutions, or can design clever things, but he does not recognize any of these skills as gifts because he can’t do something as simple as keep track of a homework assignment…and now he has a diagnosis to “prove” he’s stupid.
Meanwhile, “I’m stupid!” becomes an easy excuse and a great way to get attention. When he says, “I’m stupid!” people tell him he’s not. They feel sorry for him and give him attention. Eventually, they organize his things for him and do his work for him…It doesn’t take long for “I’m stupid!” to become a crutch he depends on.
This is a very common, well-intentioned situation that has been turned upside down and is back-firing on this student and his family. It is understandable how he ended up here, but the cycle has to stop and he has to be willing to step off and stop being “stupid.”
How does he do that?
**Action Plan**
The best antidote against feeling stupid is to make a *decision* to not be stupid anymore. That may sound overly simple and obvious, but this student HAS to decide that being successful in school is worth his while and –more importantly- that he is worth the effort. If he can acknowledge that, he will immediately stop being ‘stupid,’ and will have already won more than half of his battle.
The next step is for him to take action. As wonderful as our education system is, mandated curriculum has a way of beating students into a passive, coma-like state. Students quickly feel that “learning” is about sitting, getting, rehearsing, and spewing it all back on homework or a test. However, when a student realizes that he can be strategic… that HE can make some of that dry information just a little more interesting, that he can use a couple of tricks to learn it just a little bit faster, and remember it just a little bit better, he will quickly realize that there is a strategy to learning. Strategy can be fun!
There are millions of study strategies plastered all over the internet. The free Homework Rx® Toolkit at www.soarstudyskills.com/freestuff.htm has several quick and simple strategies. He can start by simply trying 2-3 of them. He will soon discover that all he needs are a few of the right tools (a.k.a. strategies) to learn how to learn and organize more effectively…and make learning more interesting.
Finally, he needs to stop using all of his labels as excuses. I’m not suggesting that diagnosing a student with ADHD, bi-polar disorder, or any other medical diagnosis is a bad thing. Instead, I am suggesting that the way those labels are handled can sometimes be a bad thing.
For example, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis when I was 19. At that time, I did not even know what that disease was. There was no internet in “those days,” so I went to the library and checked out a book about RA. Right from the first chapter, the attitude of the author was, “So, you have rheumatoid arthritis. That’s (literally) a pain in the neck. BUT, you don’t have to stop living! You just have to start living better.” Throughout the entire book, as I learned about my disease and better ways to take care of myself, the author continued to emphasize that I could have a better life because of my experiences with the disease. After 13 years, I can honestly say that the quality of my life is much better because of the things I learned from my illness.
This is the same attitude that we should be bestowing on our students when we tell them they have ADHD. We should be saying, “Okay, you have ADHD. That means that you are going to struggle a little more in traditional school settings, but you’re IQ is significantly higher than the national average and you can use your talents to do great things. We just need to figure out a few strategies to help you get through school.”
Isn’t that a much more empowering message?
**Conclusion**
If you think about what a child, or any human being, is really saying when they say, “I’m stupid,” they are repeating messages they’ve heard or felt in some way, shape, or fashion. They can spend their life blaming other people for sending them that message, or they can decide to not be stupid anymore, take action, and be in control of their own learning!
Susan Kruger is the author of SOAR Study Skills; A Simple and Efficient System for Earning Better Grades in Less Time. Get Susan 's FREE Homework Rx Toolkit, featuring 25 Ways to Make Homework Easier...Tonight!, at: http://soarstudyskills.com
But, his mother says, “All I hear is, “I’m stupid! Over and over again…”
Maybe he is.
There are several formal definitions of the word, “stupid,” according to Dictionary.com. In my world, however, “stupid” is the word I use to describe someone who has talents, gifts, and skills, but is choosing not to use them. Let me tell you, I know a lot of stupid people!
But, you don’t have to be one of them. This struggling young man doesn’t have to be, either.
Unfortunately, he is one of many, many students who think they are not smart for a variety of reasons. In his case, he is probably frustrated that he cannot organize and keep track of his papers as well as other classmates. “There must be something wrong with me,” he thinks.
“There IS something wrong with you,” he hears when he visits the doctor and is told that he has ADHD and bi-polar disorder. He can probably solve challenging problems, can think of creative solutions, or can design clever things, but he does not recognize any of these skills as gifts because he can’t do something as simple as keep track of a homework assignment…and now he has a diagnosis to “prove” he’s stupid.
Meanwhile, “I’m stupid!” becomes an easy excuse and a great way to get attention. When he says, “I’m stupid!” people tell him he’s not. They feel sorry for him and give him attention. Eventually, they organize his things for him and do his work for him…It doesn’t take long for “I’m stupid!” to become a crutch he depends on.
This is a very common, well-intentioned situation that has been turned upside down and is back-firing on this student and his family. It is understandable how he ended up here, but the cycle has to stop and he has to be willing to step off and stop being “stupid.”
How does he do that?
**Action Plan**
The best antidote against feeling stupid is to make a *decision* to not be stupid anymore. That may sound overly simple and obvious, but this student HAS to decide that being successful in school is worth his while and –more importantly- that he is worth the effort. If he can acknowledge that, he will immediately stop being ‘stupid,’ and will have already won more than half of his battle.
The next step is for him to take action. As wonderful as our education system is, mandated curriculum has a way of beating students into a passive, coma-like state. Students quickly feel that “learning” is about sitting, getting, rehearsing, and spewing it all back on homework or a test. However, when a student realizes that he can be strategic… that HE can make some of that dry information just a little more interesting, that he can use a couple of tricks to learn it just a little bit faster, and remember it just a little bit better, he will quickly realize that there is a strategy to learning. Strategy can be fun!
There are millions of study strategies plastered all over the internet. The free Homework Rx® Toolkit at www.soarstudyskills.com/freestuff.htm has several quick and simple strategies. He can start by simply trying 2-3 of them. He will soon discover that all he needs are a few of the right tools (a.k.a. strategies) to learn how to learn and organize more effectively…and make learning more interesting.
Finally, he needs to stop using all of his labels as excuses. I’m not suggesting that diagnosing a student with ADHD, bi-polar disorder, or any other medical diagnosis is a bad thing. Instead, I am suggesting that the way those labels are handled can sometimes be a bad thing.
For example, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis when I was 19. At that time, I did not even know what that disease was. There was no internet in “those days,” so I went to the library and checked out a book about RA. Right from the first chapter, the attitude of the author was, “So, you have rheumatoid arthritis. That’s (literally) a pain in the neck. BUT, you don’t have to stop living! You just have to start living better.” Throughout the entire book, as I learned about my disease and better ways to take care of myself, the author continued to emphasize that I could have a better life because of my experiences with the disease. After 13 years, I can honestly say that the quality of my life is much better because of the things I learned from my illness.
This is the same attitude that we should be bestowing on our students when we tell them they have ADHD. We should be saying, “Okay, you have ADHD. That means that you are going to struggle a little more in traditional school settings, but you’re IQ is significantly higher than the national average and you can use your talents to do great things. We just need to figure out a few strategies to help you get through school.”
Isn’t that a much more empowering message?
**Conclusion**
If you think about what a child, or any human being, is really saying when they say, “I’m stupid,” they are repeating messages they’ve heard or felt in some way, shape, or fashion. They can spend their life blaming other people for sending them that message, or they can decide to not be stupid anymore, take action, and be in control of their own learning!
Susan Kruger is the author of SOAR Study Skills; A Simple and Efficient System for Earning Better Grades in Less Time. Get Susan 's FREE Homework Rx Toolkit, featuring 25 Ways to Make Homework Easier...Tonight!, at: http://soarstudyskills.com
Friday, March 7, 2008
Living My Dream Through My Sweet Tooth Beads
Ever since childhood, I have had a tremendous passion for stringing beads into whimsical and fun pieces of jewelry. I used to string anything that could be strung into something resembling jewelry - seashells, seeds, buttons and of course, beads. Ever expanding my growing curiosity to create, it now has matured into a passion that I strive to share with anyone who shows an interest. Through this, I grew a desire to somehow earn enough money creating my jewelry in order to purchase more beads � that�s where Sweet Tooth Beads was born. I have created a wide array of bracelets, earrings, necklaces, each one unique and special.
Starting off in local craft shows and often wrapped up as gifts, each one of my creations fueling my interest in opening my own online boutique. Enough people have enthusiastically encouraged me to go through with it � and now with a professional and experienced web designer to take care of the technical end of my dream, I have finally launched http://www.sweettoothbeads.com. Slowly the orders have rolled in, each one often with an encouraging word and positive feedback. So far, I have saved each of those emails or cards, and often refer back to them to nurture my love of beading and to keep my dream of expanding my special business fresh and alive.
Some of my most special pieces are those inspired by events of my own life. Motherhood led to the creation of my elegant child name bracelets. Each is carefully crafted with the world 's best crystals from Swarovski and the finest sterling silver letters, beads and clasps. I truly wish each piece to be as beautiful and special as the children they represent. My first name bracelet was created for me to constantly feel the names of my children beautifully represented by these beads, jingle on my arm every time I would move my wrist. Other girlfriends and relatives of mine would admire them, and soon I would find myself creating these name bracelets for them or for others to enjoy. It�s a fun and pretty way to further enjoy having children in our lives!
It 's everywhere! On television shows, in magazines, and it may even be in your own home. Eating disorders. Our society today glamorizes the troubled thin women suffering inside. Take the first step yourself and let everyone know that each woman is, and should be, different and beautiful in her own original self.
My personal struggle with an eating disorder and my appreciation to those who gave me my own tools to travel my road to recovery inspired me to created a special bracelet.
It took me years to come up with just the right design to emulate that absolute true awareness that women are indeed individuals and beautiful in their own self. Even whilst I was at the lowest point in my life, both mentally and physically, I strung these beads for relaxation and enjoyment. I knew I wanted to use this special gift of mine to share with other suffering women my growing sense of self and belief that we, as women, are extraordinary.
I was treated for my eating disorder at the Renfrew Center in Philadelphia, and while I was there, I met other women who inspired me to create this bracelet. Just like these Swarovski crystals, which are known worldwide for their quality and splendor, these women represented extreme intelligence and the utmost inner beauty to me more than I could ever imagine.
My Eating Disorders Awareness Bracelet showcases that very belief and proudly bears my personal symbol of rebirth and recovery, the butterfly. Each exquisite Swarovski crystal is unique on the bracelet featuring a sterling silver butterfly charm and heart clasp to bring it all together. Now, I proudly give 25% of my proceeds from the sales of my Eating Disorder Awareness bracelet or necklace to the Renfrew Center.
I want to share with the world my extreme passion for creating unique and exquisite pieces of jewelry for women to decorate and celebrate their miraculous selves. As a new mother and also a survivor of an eating disorder, I now want to live my dream of jewelry making and represent proudly to my children what it means to pursue your dream and do what truly makes you happy inside.
Celebrate your individuality!
Jen Van Varick Sweet Tooth Beads � Unique Beaded Jewelry At SweetToothBeads, 25% of the proceeds for each EDA jewelry piece sold will proudly be donated to the Renfrew Center for Eating Disorders.
Starting off in local craft shows and often wrapped up as gifts, each one of my creations fueling my interest in opening my own online boutique. Enough people have enthusiastically encouraged me to go through with it � and now with a professional and experienced web designer to take care of the technical end of my dream, I have finally launched http://www.sweettoothbeads.com. Slowly the orders have rolled in, each one often with an encouraging word and positive feedback. So far, I have saved each of those emails or cards, and often refer back to them to nurture my love of beading and to keep my dream of expanding my special business fresh and alive.
Some of my most special pieces are those inspired by events of my own life. Motherhood led to the creation of my elegant child name bracelets. Each is carefully crafted with the world 's best crystals from Swarovski and the finest sterling silver letters, beads and clasps. I truly wish each piece to be as beautiful and special as the children they represent. My first name bracelet was created for me to constantly feel the names of my children beautifully represented by these beads, jingle on my arm every time I would move my wrist. Other girlfriends and relatives of mine would admire them, and soon I would find myself creating these name bracelets for them or for others to enjoy. It�s a fun and pretty way to further enjoy having children in our lives!
It 's everywhere! On television shows, in magazines, and it may even be in your own home. Eating disorders. Our society today glamorizes the troubled thin women suffering inside. Take the first step yourself and let everyone know that each woman is, and should be, different and beautiful in her own original self.
My personal struggle with an eating disorder and my appreciation to those who gave me my own tools to travel my road to recovery inspired me to created a special bracelet.
It took me years to come up with just the right design to emulate that absolute true awareness that women are indeed individuals and beautiful in their own self. Even whilst I was at the lowest point in my life, both mentally and physically, I strung these beads for relaxation and enjoyment. I knew I wanted to use this special gift of mine to share with other suffering women my growing sense of self and belief that we, as women, are extraordinary.
I was treated for my eating disorder at the Renfrew Center in Philadelphia, and while I was there, I met other women who inspired me to create this bracelet. Just like these Swarovski crystals, which are known worldwide for their quality and splendor, these women represented extreme intelligence and the utmost inner beauty to me more than I could ever imagine.
My Eating Disorders Awareness Bracelet showcases that very belief and proudly bears my personal symbol of rebirth and recovery, the butterfly. Each exquisite Swarovski crystal is unique on the bracelet featuring a sterling silver butterfly charm and heart clasp to bring it all together. Now, I proudly give 25% of my proceeds from the sales of my Eating Disorder Awareness bracelet or necklace to the Renfrew Center.
I want to share with the world my extreme passion for creating unique and exquisite pieces of jewelry for women to decorate and celebrate their miraculous selves. As a new mother and also a survivor of an eating disorder, I now want to live my dream of jewelry making and represent proudly to my children what it means to pursue your dream and do what truly makes you happy inside.
Celebrate your individuality!
Jen Van Varick Sweet Tooth Beads � Unique Beaded Jewelry At SweetToothBeads, 25% of the proceeds for each EDA jewelry piece sold will proudly be donated to the Renfrew Center for Eating Disorders.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Are You Raising A Callous Child?
em•pa•thy '?m p? ?i - [em-puh-thee] –noun
1. The intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
A three year old boy declares from his car seat in the back seat of their SUV, “Mom, we have to be very careful of that motorcycle, right? If we hit him he’ll get hurt, right mom, and that would hurt.”
In contrast, another small child of five, laughs, as her team mate trips over the ball and limps off the field crying into the arms of mommy. The laughing child then gets angry that the game must be stopped to tend to the hurt child, “but I want to play now!”
What makes these two children so different in their abilities to be empathetic? Why does the child of five show less empathy than the three year old?
1. It is crucial to a child’s moral development to be taught empathy by parents.
2. Empathy must be taught to children; it is not developed without training.
3. Empathy training must start at infancy.
It is pretty clear from the reactions of the children in the two different situations that one child has had ongoing empathy training from birth, while the other child has not had the same training. Lack of training about empathy can lead to callous, self-centered and narcissistic adults.
Modeling empathy
It is well known that children learn from example. Therefore, demonstrating empathy is a crucial way to teach children to be empathetic. There are many different ways of modeling empathy.
Parent with compassion.
Patience, kindness and thoughtful interaction with children contribute to raising kind, empathetic, and compassionate people. Taking the time to listen and really focusing on what a child is saying is the start of teaching empathy.
Kneel when giving directions, listen closely to what the child is saying and repeat their words, and read their emotions: These are all ways to show children what it is like to have someone try to experience what they are feeling. Parents should not forget to model compassion outside of the home too. Treating people with dignity and respect teaches children to treat people with dignity and respect.
Help children experience empathy firsthand.
Bring children to a local animal shelter, donate used items to a homeless shelter, and visit assisted living facilities. These and other acts of kindness put children in close proximity to those in need.
Expose children to great humanitarians.
A trip to the library to research famous humanitarians can be a wonderful experience for parents eager to instill empathy in their children. Learning about great givers like Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, and modern day Nobel Peace Prize winner, Aun San Suu Kyi, will expand the child’s world view, and teach them about people who have dedicated their lives to the betterment of others.
Label emotions so that children understand the normal feelings they are experiencing.
Children have the same feelings that adults do, including anxiety, sadness, frustration and anger. Parents can help them to identify their emotions by paying close attention and asking them what they are feeling. Helping a child get in touch with his feelings is an empathetic gesture and bonds parent and child. Parents can explain that everyone experiences feelings. For instance, the little girl sitting alone at lunch feels lonely. Similarly, the boy who had his name put on the blackboard for bad behavior probably felt ashamed and embarrassed.
Identify situations where empathy is appropriate.
The homeless, injured animals, crying children and sad family members are situations to which children come face to face. Being sensitive to age and maturity so as not to frighten children, parents can point out and discuss sad situations with children. Simple questions like, “How would you feel if…”, train children to put themselves in another’s shoes.
The goal in teaching empathy to children is to raise kind, caring adults. Living in a world that places enormous emphasis on fame, immediate gratification, and acquisition can retard children’s social development by placing all of the emphasis on “me”. Without the ability to shift focus away from “me” and onto others, people can not establish deep and lasting relationships as adults.
Parents should not underestimate their role in instilling empathy in their children. Empathy training happens at home from infancy. By teaching children how to feel what others may be feeling, parents will raise loving and kind people.
Elena Neitlich is the owner of momsonedge Her company designs children 's behavioral products and parenting aids. She is the mother of Noah(5) and Seth(3) and committed to raising really great people. For info please visit: http://www.momsonedge.com
1. The intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
A three year old boy declares from his car seat in the back seat of their SUV, “Mom, we have to be very careful of that motorcycle, right? If we hit him he’ll get hurt, right mom, and that would hurt.”
In contrast, another small child of five, laughs, as her team mate trips over the ball and limps off the field crying into the arms of mommy. The laughing child then gets angry that the game must be stopped to tend to the hurt child, “but I want to play now!”
What makes these two children so different in their abilities to be empathetic? Why does the child of five show less empathy than the three year old?
1. It is crucial to a child’s moral development to be taught empathy by parents.
2. Empathy must be taught to children; it is not developed without training.
3. Empathy training must start at infancy.
It is pretty clear from the reactions of the children in the two different situations that one child has had ongoing empathy training from birth, while the other child has not had the same training. Lack of training about empathy can lead to callous, self-centered and narcissistic adults.
Modeling empathy
It is well known that children learn from example. Therefore, demonstrating empathy is a crucial way to teach children to be empathetic. There are many different ways of modeling empathy.
Parent with compassion.
Patience, kindness and thoughtful interaction with children contribute to raising kind, empathetic, and compassionate people. Taking the time to listen and really focusing on what a child is saying is the start of teaching empathy.
Kneel when giving directions, listen closely to what the child is saying and repeat their words, and read their emotions: These are all ways to show children what it is like to have someone try to experience what they are feeling. Parents should not forget to model compassion outside of the home too. Treating people with dignity and respect teaches children to treat people with dignity and respect.
Help children experience empathy firsthand.
Bring children to a local animal shelter, donate used items to a homeless shelter, and visit assisted living facilities. These and other acts of kindness put children in close proximity to those in need.
Expose children to great humanitarians.
A trip to the library to research famous humanitarians can be a wonderful experience for parents eager to instill empathy in their children. Learning about great givers like Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, and modern day Nobel Peace Prize winner, Aun San Suu Kyi, will expand the child’s world view, and teach them about people who have dedicated their lives to the betterment of others.
Label emotions so that children understand the normal feelings they are experiencing.
Children have the same feelings that adults do, including anxiety, sadness, frustration and anger. Parents can help them to identify their emotions by paying close attention and asking them what they are feeling. Helping a child get in touch with his feelings is an empathetic gesture and bonds parent and child. Parents can explain that everyone experiences feelings. For instance, the little girl sitting alone at lunch feels lonely. Similarly, the boy who had his name put on the blackboard for bad behavior probably felt ashamed and embarrassed.
Identify situations where empathy is appropriate.
The homeless, injured animals, crying children and sad family members are situations to which children come face to face. Being sensitive to age and maturity so as not to frighten children, parents can point out and discuss sad situations with children. Simple questions like, “How would you feel if…”, train children to put themselves in another’s shoes.
The goal in teaching empathy to children is to raise kind, caring adults. Living in a world that places enormous emphasis on fame, immediate gratification, and acquisition can retard children’s social development by placing all of the emphasis on “me”. Without the ability to shift focus away from “me” and onto others, people can not establish deep and lasting relationships as adults.
Parents should not underestimate their role in instilling empathy in their children. Empathy training happens at home from infancy. By teaching children how to feel what others may be feeling, parents will raise loving and kind people.
Elena Neitlich is the owner of momsonedge Her company designs children 's behavioral products and parenting aids. She is the mother of Noah(5) and Seth(3) and committed to raising really great people. For info please visit: http://www.momsonedge.com
Monday, March 3, 2008
It Does Get Easier
One foggy, fuzzy day when I had three kids under the age of five, I happened to be sitting on a park bench near a group of very put-together moms. (Foggy and fuzzy didn't describe the weather, just my mental status that year.) These moms were chit-chatting as their school age children played nearby. I was nursing my six-month old while my two-year old tried to bounce on my knee. My four-year-old was braiding and twisting my hair to keep herself occupied. I looked up at this group of moms, and I said, "Tell me it gets easier." They shook their heads. "No," they agreed, "It doesn't get any easier. It just gets, um, different."
I've heard this many times: The notion that parenting doesn't ever get any easier; it just changes. And one thing is true: The questions my kids ask now are harder to answer. The problems my kids have now are harder to solve. But I think that we say parenting does not get easier because we want to emphasize that parenting never becomes less important, and that is most certainly true. Good parenting at age 14 is no less important than good parenting at age 1 or age 4 or age 22. But the fact is: Day-to-day life DOES get easier.
My kids are each out of diapers and sleeping through the night. Two of them are in school full time and one enjoys preschool a couple days a week. Yet, their time in infancy is still so fresh in my mind that I haven't forgotten waking up every two hours to feed the baby, having to work in the middle of the night because I couldn't cram enough in during the day, the sheer physical exhaustion that came with being pregnant while chasing toddlers. And the restlessness that came with the feeling that I was losing touch with the person that I was even amid the bliss of new motherhood.
I don't have teenagers yet, so in a few years, I may have to amend this message, but I feel compelled to whisper this fact to every bleary-eyed mom with a double stroller. It DOES get easier.
At some point, you will begin to sleep ALL night long. Maybe not every night, but you will come off chronic sleep deprivation. You will feel less moody and less tired and more like the woman you remember being. And that will make everything you do seem infinitely easier.
At some point, your kids will begin to buckle their own seatbelts, tie their own shoes, and brush their own teeth. It will be a treat to take them out to dinner, and vacations will be time for relaxing, not just more work for you. At some point, your kids will ask for what they want using complete sentences, and they will, on some level, understand a rational explanation of why it is or is not in their best interest to want such a thing.
At some point, your clothes will look roughly the same at the end of the day as they did at the beginning. At some point, you will actually go for days -- weeks, even -- without having anything to do with your child 's poop.
At some point, you will regain your professional identity, though it 's sure to be a new and more mature variety. At some point, you will have time to volunteer for causes that are important to you. At some point, you will be able to read an entire book before its due date at the library. At some point, when you clean your house in the morning, it will be clean all the way until the kids get off the school bus in the afternoon. At some point - and this is really strange - but at some point, you will come into your home and it will be quiet.
And when this happens, you will have some remarkable little people (who are a lot like you) to chat with and to laugh with and to share your life with. You will also, and I can say this with certainty, miss all of those things that are making your life not so very easy right now.
I suppose I feel compelled to say all of this because when we can see a light at the end of the tunnel, it makes it easier to settle into our days and to enjoy them, just the way they are. Because life with kids never gets any better than it does when they are small. It doesn't get any less exciting or any less fulfilling. And it certainly doesn't get any less important. It just gets, um, different. May you find light in every single age and every single stage.
Susie Cortright is the founder of Momscape.com, Susies-Coupons.com and Susies-Travel-Coupons.com where you'll find hand-selected online coupons, coupon codes and travel discounts.
I've heard this many times: The notion that parenting doesn't ever get any easier; it just changes. And one thing is true: The questions my kids ask now are harder to answer. The problems my kids have now are harder to solve. But I think that we say parenting does not get easier because we want to emphasize that parenting never becomes less important, and that is most certainly true. Good parenting at age 14 is no less important than good parenting at age 1 or age 4 or age 22. But the fact is: Day-to-day life DOES get easier.
My kids are each out of diapers and sleeping through the night. Two of them are in school full time and one enjoys preschool a couple days a week. Yet, their time in infancy is still so fresh in my mind that I haven't forgotten waking up every two hours to feed the baby, having to work in the middle of the night because I couldn't cram enough in during the day, the sheer physical exhaustion that came with being pregnant while chasing toddlers. And the restlessness that came with the feeling that I was losing touch with the person that I was even amid the bliss of new motherhood.
I don't have teenagers yet, so in a few years, I may have to amend this message, but I feel compelled to whisper this fact to every bleary-eyed mom with a double stroller. It DOES get easier.
At some point, you will begin to sleep ALL night long. Maybe not every night, but you will come off chronic sleep deprivation. You will feel less moody and less tired and more like the woman you remember being. And that will make everything you do seem infinitely easier.
At some point, your kids will begin to buckle their own seatbelts, tie their own shoes, and brush their own teeth. It will be a treat to take them out to dinner, and vacations will be time for relaxing, not just more work for you. At some point, your kids will ask for what they want using complete sentences, and they will, on some level, understand a rational explanation of why it is or is not in their best interest to want such a thing.
At some point, your clothes will look roughly the same at the end of the day as they did at the beginning. At some point, you will actually go for days -- weeks, even -- without having anything to do with your child 's poop.
At some point, you will regain your professional identity, though it 's sure to be a new and more mature variety. At some point, you will have time to volunteer for causes that are important to you. At some point, you will be able to read an entire book before its due date at the library. At some point, when you clean your house in the morning, it will be clean all the way until the kids get off the school bus in the afternoon. At some point - and this is really strange - but at some point, you will come into your home and it will be quiet.
And when this happens, you will have some remarkable little people (who are a lot like you) to chat with and to laugh with and to share your life with. You will also, and I can say this with certainty, miss all of those things that are making your life not so very easy right now.
I suppose I feel compelled to say all of this because when we can see a light at the end of the tunnel, it makes it easier to settle into our days and to enjoy them, just the way they are. Because life with kids never gets any better than it does when they are small. It doesn't get any less exciting or any less fulfilling. And it certainly doesn't get any less important. It just gets, um, different. May you find light in every single age and every single stage.
Susie Cortright is the founder of Momscape.com, Susies-Coupons.com and Susies-Travel-Coupons.com where you'll find hand-selected online coupons, coupon codes and travel discounts.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Mommy Guilt No More
Do you ever feel guilty when you buy yourself a two dollar bottle of nail polish? How about when you take the long way home from a quick ride to the store just to get some extra quiet time, and when you get home the kids ask, “what took you so long?” does this make you feel like you did something wrong? I am here to tell you that you shouldn’t feel an ounce of guilt!
Moms always seem to give, give, and give some more until we’re running on empty. The truth of the matter is; if you don’t take time to yourself on a regular basis, you’re going to end up feeling deprived and downright exhausted. What good are you to yourself, friends and your family if you’re too tired and irritable to do the things you need to do each day?
Here are a few tips to help you overcome feeling guilty for setting aside time for yourself:
• When your family is getting too demanding and starts questioning you as to why you aren’t at their beckon call every second of the day; simply explain to them that you’re taking time out for a bit and that mom’s need time to themselves too. You can do this by setting a day and time do to something nice for yourself and simply explain to your family what your plans are. Let them know when you are leaving and when they can expect you to be back. They will be so happy to have a relaxed, happy mom upon your return.
• Ask your husband, significant other, friend or a trusted sitter to watch your kids for a while ant then schedule a time to go meet call your friend for an afternoon of window shopping, lunch or perhaps a movie. Don’t allow yourself to feel guilty while you’re doing this. Keep in mind that you deserve the time. When you arrive back at home, don’t get all tense and think, “Maybe I should have stayed home and cleaned the toilet instead.” Let your children see how happy you are that you took time out for yourself then reward your children for their behavior while you were away.
• The next time you find yourself feeling guilty when you haven’t done anything wrong, ask yourself, “is this illegal?” or “is this going to hurt someone else?” If the answer is no, then just don’t worry about it and try to enjoy yourself. You’re more than just a mom, you’re still Y-O-U; and you deserve attention too.
• Don’t think you’re being selfish. This is the number one thing that sidetracks a lot of moms. We have no problem going out and getting a little something for the kids, husband, or friends, but when it comes to making a purchase for ourselves, as small as a shirt on the clearance rack for a few dollars, we hesitate and put it back. If you can afford to get yourself a little something then go ahead and do it. Even if all you can purchase is a new tube of lip stick, a new book or a small accessory, it will make you feel better about yourself.
• Be sure you are expressing your true thoughts and feelings to your loved ones. For instance, if you are asked what you want for your birthday and you say, “Well, I don’t really need anything” and secretly, you are expecting your family to read your mind, 9 times out of 10 you’ll end up feeling disappointed in the outcome. When your family is really trying to be nice and do something kind for you, let them! Don’t feel guilty for asking for that shiny new bracelet you saw in the mall, or a trip to a day spa for that massage that you’ve always wanted. You deserve it!
The most important things in a mother’s life, her children, are also the most influential. Children are just like sponges and everything Mom does they will, at some point in time in their lives, mimic and/or reflect upon. If your children see you constantly suppressing your needs and not speaking out and taking the time that you deserve, they will be more inclined to follow those patterns as they grown into adulthood. What you do today can determine the kind of life your child will lead tomorrow.
Life is short and motherhood goes by quickly, enjoy it to the best of your ability. A guilt free mom is a happy mom!
Moms always seem to give, give, and give some more until we’re running on empty. The truth of the matter is; if you don’t take time to yourself on a regular basis, you’re going to end up feeling deprived and downright exhausted. What good are you to yourself, friends and your family if you’re too tired and irritable to do the things you need to do each day?
Here are a few tips to help you overcome feeling guilty for setting aside time for yourself:
• When your family is getting too demanding and starts questioning you as to why you aren’t at their beckon call every second of the day; simply explain to them that you’re taking time out for a bit and that mom’s need time to themselves too. You can do this by setting a day and time do to something nice for yourself and simply explain to your family what your plans are. Let them know when you are leaving and when they can expect you to be back. They will be so happy to have a relaxed, happy mom upon your return.
• Ask your husband, significant other, friend or a trusted sitter to watch your kids for a while ant then schedule a time to go meet call your friend for an afternoon of window shopping, lunch or perhaps a movie. Don’t allow yourself to feel guilty while you’re doing this. Keep in mind that you deserve the time. When you arrive back at home, don’t get all tense and think, “Maybe I should have stayed home and cleaned the toilet instead.” Let your children see how happy you are that you took time out for yourself then reward your children for their behavior while you were away.
• The next time you find yourself feeling guilty when you haven’t done anything wrong, ask yourself, “is this illegal?” or “is this going to hurt someone else?” If the answer is no, then just don’t worry about it and try to enjoy yourself. You’re more than just a mom, you’re still Y-O-U; and you deserve attention too.
• Don’t think you’re being selfish. This is the number one thing that sidetracks a lot of moms. We have no problem going out and getting a little something for the kids, husband, or friends, but when it comes to making a purchase for ourselves, as small as a shirt on the clearance rack for a few dollars, we hesitate and put it back. If you can afford to get yourself a little something then go ahead and do it. Even if all you can purchase is a new tube of lip stick, a new book or a small accessory, it will make you feel better about yourself.
• Be sure you are expressing your true thoughts and feelings to your loved ones. For instance, if you are asked what you want for your birthday and you say, “Well, I don’t really need anything” and secretly, you are expecting your family to read your mind, 9 times out of 10 you’ll end up feeling disappointed in the outcome. When your family is really trying to be nice and do something kind for you, let them! Don’t feel guilty for asking for that shiny new bracelet you saw in the mall, or a trip to a day spa for that massage that you’ve always wanted. You deserve it!
The most important things in a mother’s life, her children, are also the most influential. Children are just like sponges and everything Mom does they will, at some point in time in their lives, mimic and/or reflect upon. If your children see you constantly suppressing your needs and not speaking out and taking the time that you deserve, they will be more inclined to follow those patterns as they grown into adulthood. What you do today can determine the kind of life your child will lead tomorrow.
Life is short and motherhood goes by quickly, enjoy it to the best of your ability. A guilt free mom is a happy mom!
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