I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and wonder, 'How did I ever get here?'"
-- Joy Rose from the band "Housewives on Prozac"
I'm sure any mom on the planet can relate to that quote and the sense of exhaustion and bewilderment that it implies. Let's face it, ladies, after cooking, cleaning, caring, chauffeuring, and "career-ing" we're pretty frazzled - physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. We dream of lives we don't believe we will ever be able to live, long to go away on a luxury vacation we will probably never be able to afford, or struggle to just put life on "pause" long enough to refuel before we have to tackle that next mountain of laundry. Unfortunately, those dreams look pretty hopeless, this side of the stack of dirty dishes in the sink.
The Graceful Art of Defrazzling means learning to live our lives in moments and seasons. Living in moments means that we must learn to take small amounts of time each day to refresh our souls, laugh, breathe deeply, express gratitude, and rejoice over our children and husbands - especially on the bad days! We need to look for natural pauses in our days: waiting at a stop light or in a grocery store line; while we wait for the pot to boil; right after the kids go down for their naps - and other little breaks in our day - to take a brief vacation from drudgery.
We need to use these moments to stop and look for small, present things to cherish: the golden curls on our toddler's head; the warm sunshine outside; the sound of children's laughter; the feel of a baby's soft skin; the taste of a perfectly brewed cup of quality tea.
We need to use little pauses in our day to take baby steps toward our bigger goals like tucking five dollars away for future dreams, skimming great books for deeper inspiration, or glancing at pictures of our ideal life and dreaming a little.
We may not be able to get away for a month long vacation, but if we take little five-minute vacations every day, we will find ourselves more relaxed and available for our families. We may not have time or money to become a world class professional pastry chef right now, but we can get a book out of the library on gourmet desserts and throw a surprise together for tonight's supper. A week on a beach may be an impossible dream, but we can drop the kids off at friend's house and go sit on a park bench in the sunshine for an hour.
We need to look for moments, but we must also live in seasons. Living in seasons means we need to remember that what we are experiencing now is not what we will experience forever. When the kids are really young and we're not getting any sleep, knowing that this is temporary is helpful. We may not have time for anything right now except for survival - but if we're using our moments to prepare for the next season while we learn to get through this one, things will be different.
Seasons enable us to cope with today, but also look to the future. They enable us to see past the spilled supper on the floor ,and the terrible two's, to a time when things will be calmer. Living in seasons also enables us to take the time we need to create and cherish special moments with our family. Instead of rushing from feeding the baby to cleaning out the basement, or brushing off our child's request to "come and see!" so that we can get dinner started, we'll realize that this season is but a brief drop in the bucket of time and that it will soon be over. Dinner and cleaning can usually wait while we connect in a special way with our family members. We need to recognize the season we're in, and learn to deal with each season in a way that creates a solid foundation for the next one.
So the next time you're wearily folding laundry, give thanks for the person each item belongs to, say a prayer for them, cherish a special memory you have of them - or plan to create a new one, and remember that "this too, shall pass".
This is the graceful art of De-frazzling - for mothers.
Darlene Hull
Darlene is the creator of the free “Mom-Defrazzler tool” - 52 Tips for Moms to get from Chaos to Calm in One Year and the “Merry Moms” newsletter, a weekly humour e-zine to help moms defrazzle with laughter. You can download this tool and newsletter on her website at: www.mom-defrazzler.com .
Saturday
Mommy Whisperer
Using simple techniques Moms can learn how easily they can whisper relaxing phrases to their babies during pregnancy, delivery, and post-partum.
Dr. Linda Miles, inspires and instructs Moms, using a practical, proven effective method, which calms both the child and Mom, while building a stronger emotional and physical bond between the two. And Dads can join in, too.
When Moms are anxious, babies feel that anxiety. Research has shown that a stressed Mom creates a stressed baby, causing the fetus’ heart to beat faster. When levels of stress hormones are too high for extended periods of time, both Mom and the baby’s mental and physical health suffer.
In 1973 Dr. Miles used natural childbirth with her son, Christopher Brett. She found Lamaze helpful, but after that pregnancy she wanted an even more stress free birth. She wanted less stress for both her and her child.
Quickly, she realized the tremendous benefit listening with headphones to individually recorded, soothing music with a familiar voice would have. Here was a simple way to remind her to relax.
When she was a bundle of nerves, there was an easy comfort with just the flip of a switch. Then, she could share, gently whispering, what she heard with her baby. To her surprise the relaxation practice brought deep calm not only to her, but to baby Brett, too.
With her initial personal success as a Mommy Whisperer, Dr. Miles studied and has used these relaxation techniques successfully for over 30 years with her clients and friends. After the stress of the pregnancy with her first child, a client of Dr. Miles used the Mommy Whisperer technique for her second child with entirely different results. She was calm throughout the experience, with less stress on her.
Therefore, there was less stress on her child. She had a peaceful pregnancy and delivery. Because Mommy Whisperer's reduce stress on themselves and their child, they can enhance the mother-child bond after the baby is born.
Using simple relaxation strategies, parents actually affect the physical structure of the baby's developing brain. The patterns we learn, affect how we cope with stress and with life.
While soothing her baby, Mom is actually teaching her child to self-soothe. When you soothe your baby with whispers, they may develop a pattern of self-soothing that works under stress.
And the opposite happens too. If Mom or anyone is loud and reactive under stress, the child develops that pattern and responds that way to stress. The brain loves the familiar, so how we train our children, becomes their coping strategy.
So, whisper to your child, "I am so happy you are here." “I love you so much.” “You are so beautiful.” “Everything is okay.” This gives them safety to learn and explore.
Author, Dr. Linda Miles, is deeply committed to helping individuals and couples achieve rewarding relationships. She is an expert witha Doctorate in Counseling Psychology, and has worked in the mental health field for over thirty years. Find more relationship ideas and relaxation techniques on her web site and in the award-winning book she co-authored, The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth, and on CD, Train Your Brain: For a Peaceful Pregnancy & Delivery. drlindamiles.com
Dr. Linda Miles, inspires and instructs Moms, using a practical, proven effective method, which calms both the child and Mom, while building a stronger emotional and physical bond between the two. And Dads can join in, too.
When Moms are anxious, babies feel that anxiety. Research has shown that a stressed Mom creates a stressed baby, causing the fetus’ heart to beat faster. When levels of stress hormones are too high for extended periods of time, both Mom and the baby’s mental and physical health suffer.
In 1973 Dr. Miles used natural childbirth with her son, Christopher Brett. She found Lamaze helpful, but after that pregnancy she wanted an even more stress free birth. She wanted less stress for both her and her child.
Quickly, she realized the tremendous benefit listening with headphones to individually recorded, soothing music with a familiar voice would have. Here was a simple way to remind her to relax.
When she was a bundle of nerves, there was an easy comfort with just the flip of a switch. Then, she could share, gently whispering, what she heard with her baby. To her surprise the relaxation practice brought deep calm not only to her, but to baby Brett, too.
With her initial personal success as a Mommy Whisperer, Dr. Miles studied and has used these relaxation techniques successfully for over 30 years with her clients and friends. After the stress of the pregnancy with her first child, a client of Dr. Miles used the Mommy Whisperer technique for her second child with entirely different results. She was calm throughout the experience, with less stress on her.
Therefore, there was less stress on her child. She had a peaceful pregnancy and delivery. Because Mommy Whisperer's reduce stress on themselves and their child, they can enhance the mother-child bond after the baby is born.
Using simple relaxation strategies, parents actually affect the physical structure of the baby's developing brain. The patterns we learn, affect how we cope with stress and with life.
While soothing her baby, Mom is actually teaching her child to self-soothe. When you soothe your baby with whispers, they may develop a pattern of self-soothing that works under stress.
And the opposite happens too. If Mom or anyone is loud and reactive under stress, the child develops that pattern and responds that way to stress. The brain loves the familiar, so how we train our children, becomes their coping strategy.
So, whisper to your child, "I am so happy you are here." “I love you so much.” “You are so beautiful.” “Everything is okay.” This gives them safety to learn and explore.
Author, Dr. Linda Miles, is deeply committed to helping individuals and couples achieve rewarding relationships. She is an expert witha Doctorate in Counseling Psychology, and has worked in the mental health field for over thirty years. Find more relationship ideas and relaxation techniques on her web site and in the award-winning book she co-authored, The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth, and on CD, Train Your Brain: For a Peaceful Pregnancy & Delivery. drlindamiles.com
Thursday
Mom Stress Relief: Stress Management Strategies For Mom
Moms are the busiest people on the planet. From getting the kids off to school to going to basketball games to overseeing sleepovers, in addition to the moms who also work outside the home, a mom's feet never seem to stay still.
Mom stress is like no other stress and can impact on many areas of life such as work, family, and other relationships. Stress can cause Mom to experience frustration, have a short fuse, and lack of focus. For busy moms, stress management is a fundamental need.
Here are eight tips that can put some calm back in your day:
1. Make time for you. Without the kids. Its very important to maintain your own sense of self and sometimes this can be difficult to do when you never actually have any 'you' time. This could be losing yourself in a great short story or wandering the shops at the mall or making time for a pedicure. Whatever you think of when you think of a treat is what you need to organize.
2. Listen to calm, soothing music on the way to work, while at work, and while going to sleep. Music has a way of calming and soothing the mind body.
3. Practice deep abdominal breathing periodically throughout the day. Breath in deeply through the nose pulling the belly button toward the spine, hold for a few seconds, and then slowly release. Busy moms will be pleasantly surprised at how this simple technique can result in a more relaxed body and mind.
4. Exercise Needs To Be A Priority. Exercise is a great way to relieve stress and manage your energy levels. It doesn't have to be a big deal. It could be bouncing on a mini trampoline while the kids watch TV or going for a walk or just deliberately parking further away so you get the chance to squeeze in a walk.
5. Eat Healthy. There are foods that promote calmness as well as foods that increase stress levels. Busy moms should ask themselves if they are consuming too much sugar or caffeine, and if they are getting enough protein. Eating fresh fruits and vegetables and staying away from refined and processed foods also help. Healthy eating is very important for any busy mom. Taking a look at your eating habits and making the necessary changes can result in increased optimal health.
6. Call a friend. It is always important to have at least one relationship where Mom can just vent and know that a listening ear and unconditional acceptance will be given.
7. Practice Thinking Calmly. Everyone has a favorite place that is peaceful, soothing, and calm. When stress levels increase, busy moms can take a mental break and visualize that special place. Mom can take note of the sights, sounds, and smells. It is important to continue to do this until relaxation is felt. Busy moms will notice that their stress level will be lower as well as more manageable.
8. Have a sense of humor. We all are familiar with the saying, "Laughter is the best medicine." This is so true! Be willing to laugh at personal mistakes, or a toddler's antics. Watch a funny movie. Share a joke with a friend. Lighten up! It will make such a difference.
Any busy mom can follow the above eight tips for a more stress-free life!
Moms need stress relief just like everyone else and now there is a site dedicated to moms that need some time out: http://www.momstressrelief.com is custom built for mothers to help them find proven stress management strategies just for them.
Mom stress is like no other stress and can impact on many areas of life such as work, family, and other relationships. Stress can cause Mom to experience frustration, have a short fuse, and lack of focus. For busy moms, stress management is a fundamental need.
Here are eight tips that can put some calm back in your day:
1. Make time for you. Without the kids. Its very important to maintain your own sense of self and sometimes this can be difficult to do when you never actually have any 'you' time. This could be losing yourself in a great short story or wandering the shops at the mall or making time for a pedicure. Whatever you think of when you think of a treat is what you need to organize.
2. Listen to calm, soothing music on the way to work, while at work, and while going to sleep. Music has a way of calming and soothing the mind body.
3. Practice deep abdominal breathing periodically throughout the day. Breath in deeply through the nose pulling the belly button toward the spine, hold for a few seconds, and then slowly release. Busy moms will be pleasantly surprised at how this simple technique can result in a more relaxed body and mind.
4. Exercise Needs To Be A Priority. Exercise is a great way to relieve stress and manage your energy levels. It doesn't have to be a big deal. It could be bouncing on a mini trampoline while the kids watch TV or going for a walk or just deliberately parking further away so you get the chance to squeeze in a walk.
5. Eat Healthy. There are foods that promote calmness as well as foods that increase stress levels. Busy moms should ask themselves if they are consuming too much sugar or caffeine, and if they are getting enough protein. Eating fresh fruits and vegetables and staying away from refined and processed foods also help. Healthy eating is very important for any busy mom. Taking a look at your eating habits and making the necessary changes can result in increased optimal health.
6. Call a friend. It is always important to have at least one relationship where Mom can just vent and know that a listening ear and unconditional acceptance will be given.
7. Practice Thinking Calmly. Everyone has a favorite place that is peaceful, soothing, and calm. When stress levels increase, busy moms can take a mental break and visualize that special place. Mom can take note of the sights, sounds, and smells. It is important to continue to do this until relaxation is felt. Busy moms will notice that their stress level will be lower as well as more manageable.
8. Have a sense of humor. We all are familiar with the saying, "Laughter is the best medicine." This is so true! Be willing to laugh at personal mistakes, or a toddler's antics. Watch a funny movie. Share a joke with a friend. Lighten up! It will make such a difference.
Any busy mom can follow the above eight tips for a more stress-free life!
Moms need stress relief just like everyone else and now there is a site dedicated to moms that need some time out: http://www.momstressrelief.com is custom built for mothers to help them find proven stress management strategies just for them.
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